To most people I look like mild mannered dave (ace reporter at the Daily Planet) but there’s something about me that distorts through the lenses of beer goggles. Forget about carnival mirrors, they may dwarf and expand your image but beer goggles do something else entirely. I think we’re all aware of what they can do to enhance the female image, but what they do to me is make me look like that guy you really really really hate. Through beer goggles I’m a dazzling red cape drinking from fine china in a field of rabid bulls.
Of course I’ve had to adapt to reduce the impact of this strange phenomenon and funnily enough, choosing not to wear red does significantly minimise damage on a night out (red shirts with any large target on them should be avoided especially). I found this out the hard way a few years back and although the shirt in question did look great on the mannequin in the store, I am willing to concede that if I had been drunk when I saw it in the shop I probably would have smashed the mannequin’s stupid face in for looking at me funny.